Good morning! This will be a quick post. I was perusing my favorite aggregate news site when I came upon this as a remedy for REALLY bad acne.

As it turns out, my pillowcase was the problem. I guess I didn’t change it as often as I should have. I’d change it once every two weeks or so. Was that a normal rate? Apparently not, but I never knew, and frankly, I never minded it. Regardless, even if my pillowcase gets changed every day, I’ve come to the decision that it’s never going to be clean enough for me to lay my face against. Instead, I’ve been laying down a freshly-washed, clean towel daily for my face to lie against. Like I said, it’s only been one week, and everything… is now… completely… gone.

Here’s a link to the entire discussion: I am a seventeen-year-old who had terrible and repulsive acne for the past 3 years, and literally got rid of it in one week by putting a clean towel over my pillowcase every day.

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Alright, first order of business: Labor Day has passed. I want to buy a white shirt, but stupid fashion rules tell me I shouldn’t be wearing that shit anyway. Well fuck them and their stupid rules. I’m going to anyway. I live in California, this shit is summer all year long anyway.

This is a great looking potato.

Speaking of stupid fashion rules, you know what isn’t a stupid fashion rule? Do not fucking accessorize black with brown. Can you guys please stop? I never want to see anyone wearing black pants with a brown belt and shoes again.

Think of it this way: Black is the mashed potatoes in your meal and brown is the baked potato. So if you accessorize black with brown, you’re having mashed potatoes and a baked potato for dinner. Does that fucking even sound appetizing at all?

Put a goddamn rib-eye in your outfit. Or some salmon. It’s healthier.

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The risk of self-inflicted sciatica has increased in recent years with, for instance, sitting on a wallet for prolonged hours every day which can cause self-inflicted sciatica. (Source: Wikipedia)

If that doesn’t do it for you, try this one:

It’s not sexy. (Source: everybody)

There’s a few ways to go about this and don’t worry, you’ll have money left over to put back into your new wallet after you get it.

A money clip and a separate credit card holder

I think that clip is worth more than any amount of money you'll ever put in it.

Pros: You’re unmistakably carrying a money clip (immediate style points). It can also help reduce a lot of the bulk you carry around. For instance, you’re going out to the bar with the guys. You can leave your money clip in the glove compartment, all you’re going to need is your ID and a credit card.

Cons: You’ve reduced bulk, but you’re now also carrying a second item (which can get pretty annoying). Also, standing at a register trying to put your bills neatly back onto the clip makes you feel like the 5000 year old woman who still writes checks at the supermarket.

Cost: The ones shown here might be on the pricier range, but expect the combined cost to be between $20 and $80 (that’s a big range, I know).

A money clip and credit card holder COMBO!

I think this one has a fucking bottle opener too.

This [type] was my first slim wallet. I got some leather one at Office Depot for like 10 bucks. Great deal if you’re still trying to figure out what suits you.

Pros: You’re carrying one item instead of two.

Cons: Having a money clip slapped onto the back of your credit card holder isn’t particularly sexy. But at least it’s a small step in the right direction.

Cost: I wouldn’t go too fancy with this at first. Try it to see if you like it then upgrade to a nicer brand. $10-$50

Front pocket wallet

This is similar to what I use now, therefore it can do no wrong.

Pros: One item instead of two. The design is flush (no clunky metal shit on the back of your wallet). My personal favorite. Yes, that counts as a pro.

Cons: Not quite as much pizazz as the money clip. A little bit bulkier than the other options as it holds your cash too.

Cost: You can get a decent front pocket wallet like this for $20-$50.

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Just this once, go for the fancy stuff. I recently picked up this stuff from my barber.

See that? Official Supplier to Men. None of that women approved bullshit.

I’m not affiliated with this particular brand (I just happen to like it), but splurge a little. Try spending a little more on your shampoo. Really, it’s not even splurging. Splurging is a steakhouse on a Tuesday night or a coke for breakfast, but keeping your hair healthy? It’s a shame it can be considered expendable.

Okay, guys, listen. Okay. Plan of action. Ready? Here we go:

1. Skip the soda or the beer for your next couple meals.
2. Spend a couple extra bucks on your shampoo and conditioner.
3. Yes, buy conditioner.

Why this plan is awesome: It gets you well-groomed and provides a reason to avoid soda/beer for a little while (thus weight loss).

Proper usage (aka STUFF TO DO ‘CAUSE I SAID SO):

1. Shampoo your hair as you normally would (first order of business).
2. Dry your hair with a towel (it should now be damp). You do this, because you don’t want your hair to be runny; it will do a better job of absorbing the conditioner when it’s damp.
3. Apply hair conditioner.
4. Go about the rest of your showering business (and believe me, that’s totally your business).
5. Rinse your hair with lukewarm water. The lower temperature prevents your hair from shitting out all of the expensive nutrients it just had for breakfast.

And after you have depleted your new shampoo and conditioner bottles, you may then decide if you mind spending a little extra to keep yourself well-groomed. And when I say extra, I’m including that hidden expense of having to buy more condoms and taxi-ing women home in the morning.

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(I’ll wait).

I'm in love with Exhibit A.

I know Megan Fox has near nothing to do with sleeves (as she isn’t wearing any). But this is an example of how clothing looks good when it fits properly. I was going to find an image of a woman wearing a poorly fit t-shirt, but it soon became apparent that googling the words “woman” and “t-shirt” would quickly get me off task.

So, how did I go from sleeves to a proper fit? I wanted to lead with an image of Megan Fox and as a result, I must now perform nothing short of literary genius to get my point across.

Guys, if you guys take your eyes off women and beer for a few moments to look at what men around you are wearing, you will notice something I like to call the dreaded long short sleeve (trust me, this is very common).

Exhibit B: Admittedly less awesome than Exhibit A

This occurs when a guy wears a shirt that is too large for them, bringing their sleeves down to (or sometimes even past) their elbows. Right-side-guy has a decent fitting shirt, however, those sleeves are waaaaaaaayy too fucking long. Left-side-guy: lookin’ sharp.

You know where the seams on your shirt come together? Make sure they come together at the shoulders. If that 3 way intersection hangs over, size down or try a different brand. Remember: Models look good in A&F, because the clothing was designed for them. It is not because A&F necessarily looks good.

Oh, and, contrary to popular belief as purported by A&F’s marketing team, they do make men’s shirts.

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Don’t worry, I’ll help.

Pick up a plain navy suit (2-button, side vent, notch lapel, flat front). You can get a decent one for about $200. You’re about to wear the shit out of this thing.

At an interview, you want to dress nice, but not better than your future boss (’cause he’s a dick). Heavy contrast has “power struggle” written all over it, which is why a black suit for interviews is a heeell no (in addition, a white suit says you traffic illegal drugs and small children on weekends). Tone that shit down with a light blue shirt and a black tie. Fuckin’ good to go.

For formal stuff, wear your navy suit with a dark tie and a crisp white shirt. And for a night out or family gatherings: put on a light colored shirt, leave the tie at home, unbutton the top two buttons, and change your last name to Bond.

List of stuff you should do BECAUSE I SAY SO:

• Buy a pair of black shoes and a black notch belt. It always works and that’s all you need to know.
• Don’t match your shirt to your tie. If you wear a black suit, shirt, and tie, I will kill myself.
• Learn to do a Presidential fold and wear a white pocket square. It doesn’t have to be white, but if you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing, go with white.
• Get a nice watch.
• Your Casio calculator watch is not a nice watch.

Oh, and make sure you get your clothes fitted. Here’s all the reason you need: women like it.

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