Since there are no women in that period of time between moving out of mom’s and getting married (sucker), you’re going to have to figure out how to dress yourself beyond a t-shirt and jeans.

Don’t worry, I’ll help.

Pick up a plain navy suit (2-button, side vent, notch lapel, flat front). You can get a decent one for about $200. You’re about to wear the shit out of this thing.

At an interview, you want to dress nice, but not better than your future boss (’cause he’s a dick). Heavy contrast has “power struggle” written all over it, which is why a black suit for interviews is a heeell no (in addition, a white suit says you traffic illegal drugs and small children on weekends). Tone that shit down with a light blue shirt and a black tie. Fuckin’ good to go.

For formal stuff, wear your navy suit with a dark tie and a crisp white shirt. And for a night out or family gatherings: put on a light colored shirt, leave the tie at home, unbutton the top two buttons, and change your last name to Bond.

List of stuff you should do BECAUSE I SAY SO:

• Buy a pair of black shoes and a black notch belt. It always works and that’s all you need to know.
• Don’t match your shirt to your tie. If you wear a black suit, shirt, and tie, I will kill myself.
• Learn to do a Presidential fold and wear a white pocket square. It doesn’t have to be white, but if you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing, go with white.
• Get a nice watch.
• Your Casio calculator watch is not a nice watch.

Oh, and make sure you get your clothes fitted. Here’s all the reason you need: women like it.

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